Friday, April 9, 2010

So Very Sick of Tiger

                                  The good kind of Tiger...

by Lisa Ovens

I've grown so weary of everything Tiger Woods that it's time to get it all out of my system...

I am so tired of hearing the name Tiger, which is sad for Panthera tigris (that's the proper name for the animal called tiger). In fact Tiger has given tigers a bad rap. If you type "tiger" into the google search, it the cheating Woods Tiger that comes up first, not the majestic Panthera tigris. I feel bad for those unfortunate people who collect tiger things. They may never look at their striped figurines the same way again.

The new Tiger Nike commercial was the final straw. How is Tiger's deceased father supposed to help? Wasn't he also a womanizer? I fail to see how 35 seconds of Tiger's close up in black and white will make his image seem any more acceptable. He looks foolish. It's a stupid commercial, and it frustrates me because I love Nike hockey commercials.

click here for the inevitable parodies of the Nike ad
I'm so tired of the golf fans too. I am tired of hearing men say "Tiger's a great golfer, leave his personal life alone." I'm sorry but you guys are wrong for saying that. Tiger put his face, his signature on all kind of products and corporate images, and it made his brand a billion dollars: if a person is going to put himself in front of the public eye that much, then yes, his personal life will be of interest to the public and it will be major fodder for the media.

I'm sick of Tiger's mistresses and their big mouths and their total lack of respect for Tiger's wife Elin and her two kids. (Yes I say her kids because how the heck did Tiger have any time or input into raising them thus far with all that boinking, texting and mistress juggling going on?) It saddens me that some women out there are content with having "mistress to a celebrity" on their lists of accomplishments, if you can even call it that. Plus, because of them, I have heard or read the word "skank" way too much, and that's just a nasty, nasty sounding word.

Why did Tiger even marry in the first place? What he has done is so low, he makes the Slap Chop guy look good.

What Woods should have done is come clean, but with his true colours showing. Like "I'm Tiger Woods, and what can I say, I F'ed up. I slept with all of those women, because the truth is I am not the marrying kind. I am beyond sorry for everything I have done to Elin, I should have never asked he to marry me because I was fooling myself to think I was even close to being ready for a committment like marriage. If she leaves me, I totally deserve it. If I can only see my kids on Sundays, I totally deserve it. I F'ed up real bad. And oh, I had sex with my neighbour's 21 year old daughter... "

At this point I would only accept a Tiger Woods that was the real Tiger Woods. The more he acts like "he cares", as he does in the Nike commercial, the less I believe he actually cares.

Dodging Tiger stories is challenging because they are peppered in with the hockey news on TV. And now we will hear about former NY Giants running back Tiki Barber, the latest cheating husband, who has now separated from Ginny, his wife of 11 years. And oh, she's eight months pregnant with twins.

Talk about the potential for ruining tiki statue collections everywhere...

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